Tuesday, 29 May 2018 / Published in Career Advice, Inspiration, Motivation, Self-empowerment

Fly Above!: 5 Ways to Deal with Toxic & Difficult People

(Press play to listen to audio option) Have you ever been in a situation where someone works your nerves? Do you interact with people who are miserable, mean-spirited, difficult and toxic? Ever encounter people who just never seem to be happy, but are happy to try and make others around them miserable? These people could be friends, family members, co-workers, a boss or even a spouse! Well, you are not alone. I hope you are not prone to toxic ways. But if you are, you need to change your ways!

For the most part, I try to keep my cool and not let people take me out of my positive space, but I have encountered individuals who put me to the test! Unfortunately, we live in a culture that can sometimes be very toxic. We oftentimes accept this behavior as a new normal, but it is not acceptable! Social media is also a fertile ground for toxicity, and you certainly cannot leave out the workplace!

I frequently encounter a negative individual who makes everything about him/her and is constantly creating conflict and running interference. This situation is not an easy thing to manage, but I have to “Fly Above!” This is a term that I stole from my wife’s and my good friend Sherita who uses the saying as her mantra!

When you think of “Fly Above,” liken it to the famous quote from our former First Lady Michelle Obama who often recited: “When they go low, we go high!” Putting this saying into practice is not easy to do when you feel attacked or disrespected. But it is important not to let others bring you down to their level. Trust me, there are times when I want to give people a piece of my mind, but I have to take a deep breath and refrain! I must confess in my younger days, I did not hold back as well as I do now. However, I do have occasional slips (please give me grace…LOL)! Pray for me, as I am still a work in progress (LOL)!

Well, you are probably thinking to yourself: There are some people who are working my nerves and constantly pushing my buttons, and I don’t know how to handle or deal with this person or persons. You are probably ready to let them have it! Well, before you do, please listen to what I have to say.

5 Ways to Deal with Toxic & Difficult People

Breathe – When you are being attacked, the first response is to strike back and defend yourself. Take a moment to breath and be mindful of the situation, so that you do not do or say something that you will later regret. Doing so will allow you to be in control of yourself and not let the toxic person take control of you. This is a great first step in the “Fly Above” strategy!
Empathy – There is a concept from The Sanctuary Model, which is an approach to trauma-informed care that comes from the perspective of not “What is wrong with you?” but “What has happened to you?” Hurting people are mean people. Be empathetic. This person may be coming from the vantage point of brokenness and dysfunction and may not know better, but that does not make the behavior acceptable. Nor does it mean that you have to tolerate the person’s bad behavior! You could say something like: “Are you OK…not sure why you feel it is OK to treat me this way. Please help me understand what is going on with you?”
Don’t Give them the Satisfaction – Many toxic and difficult people get satisfaction out of getting you fired up and pulling you down to their level. If you give them the reward by responding negatively, they will keep coming back for more. Don’t give them that reward. What you reward will be repeated.
Set Boundaries – Sometimes you have to calmly let people know that their behavior is not acceptable, and you will not tolerate it. Without going low, you simply tell them that you can think whatever you want about me, but if you want to work with me or be in a relationship with me, there are certain boundaries that need to be established. If in the workplace, you may need to get the boss involved if you do not feel comfortable confronting the person yourself. However, you cannot let people bully you under any circumstances! Also, keep your message consistent as you deal with these individuals (no matter how much they challenge you) and stick to the boundaries that you establish.
Take a Bow – Sometimes, you have to simply remove yourself from a situation. Whether it is in the workplace or another setting, there are limits to what we can bear. Sometimes…enough is enough! Life is too short to deal with foolishness (as my 85-year-old grandmother Pearl would say)! Removing yourself from a situation is not an easy decision, but your wellbeing and peace of mind may depend on it. Unfortunately, we even have to sometimes do this with toxic family members, friends or partners! Check out my recent post: Take a Bow: How to Know When it is Time to Move One!

Although it is not easy to “Fly Above,” I encourage you to stay high and not let others pull you into the swamp. Be empathetic and realize that some people have issues that they need to work out. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries and know when it is time to take a bow. Always maintain your dignity and respect not matter what!

Fly Above, my friend, because Greatness Awaits You!